Fraandship Phone!

Along came the Wheel.

Along came the Frappuccino.

And along came the Cellphone.

And this thing then caught on. Cellphones became SmartPhones.

Why? Because they got smarter.

Very smart?? Yes.

Too smart for us??? Nope.

*phew*

Cellphones were huge in their early days. Then they became smaller, cuter. Antennae disappeared and the screen became better. Hang on, computers were getting smaller too. Then someone had the guts to bring them together and bang on! Bang on!

Then we had something which we weren’t clear what we have. What do I have in my pocket, human? A tiny computer or a smart cellphone that acts like a computer? Gah. Smart + Phone is SmartPhone. Why get confused. Merge them. Merge them both. Bang on!

I’m a not-so-average human but my life, yes I have one, revolves around the smart old gadget I call, lovingly, my phone. Does that make me an average Mumbaikar? No. Does it matter, at all? Nope.

Why, you ask? Why the PHONE?!

Because, the heck, I cannot remember birthdays.

I cant remember work appointments.

I cant remember phone numbers.

Because, my smart old phone can.

Why should I do all the work, eh? Phone thingy rules!

My phone is the reason I stay in touch with fraands. My phone is the reason I update my Facebook status at the drop of my hat. Oh wait, did that pigeon just defecate on my table? Golly, my hat just fell off in all that excitement. Hold on. There, status updated. I told you I have a life! And my phone is the reason I photograph myself for my fraands. They then like my pictures and images and photographs (and pics, did I say that?) and they comment. I love it when I realize I’m popular.

My head is spinning with excitement. Mary, stop going round and round.

Okay, now I will focus and concentrate.

The points are as follows, teacher:

1) Calls, Missed Calls and SMS

Phone helps me call people and talk to them and converse with them. Phone helps me send texts to people, my service provider.. message people, message my service provider.. sms them all and so on. I can go on and on and on, no? And oh yes, I can give missed calls to all people too. That is a bonus.

Sometimes people and my service provider (whom I don’t like) call me and disturb me when I have food. That is when I get irritated and frustrated. But it is okay. I like my phone number. And I like my ring tone.

2) Music, Songs and Rhythm

I walk with a swagger. Because it is cool.

So I like music very much. My phone can store a lot of songs, music and rhythm in it. With my headphones and earphones, I listen to rock, pop, rap rock, pop rock and rap pop. So I like rhythm very much and shake my head dhup-chik-dhup-chik as I walk. So people like me and smile at me every time. I am so happy. I have fun everyday.

3) Camera

Very helpful, sir, because I’m a talented and gifted photographer. There are moments, certain movements, you don’t want to miss and you can ‘capture the essence of innocence and beauty’ in the camera lens and also in the memory card. Nice, no? My gullphraand smiles and I click her cute pic, image, photograph and pic.

Then I upload it on Facebook and say “My cuuutttiieeee pieeeee. Nice haan.” My friends then like it and say “Yessssss mann.” “Wowwww, gr88 haan” “lol lol lol wth lol lol” I am so popular. My camera helps me to be. I am so happy.

I also photograph, click images of flowers and butterflies. Also, many times, both of them together. Very beautiful. Phone is small, lens is at least 2 MP and one button and photo, image, pic is mine. I am so happy.

4) Emails and Documents

I can email too. So I can forward all emails to all my great grand amazing (Wrong spelling, I mean- ammazinggg) fraand list. So they all forward it and it comes back to me again. Huge circle. So much fun.

I am smart. So I have my resume now. I carry it in my phone and my memory card. What I do is, I can email it to all companies who want a nice employee like me. I can do this on phone. Smart, no? Yes. So I will get employment soon.

5) Maps

I am not that smart, you see. So I get lost very often when I miss my station, traffic signal, favorite shop and garden gate. But my phone is very smart. So I can see where I am going when it shows me maps. Since I can read and I can press buttons, I can see the map on my phone. So much more fun!

6) Friends, Fraands, GirlFriend, Gullphraand, and Frndzzzzz

I wear bright green converse shoes with bright red laces. So I have many friends and a sweet girl friend. But the problem is, I need to call them up everyday and ask for home work. I call my girl friend up to know what she is listening to on the radio. Then I sing along and she cuts the phone. Why? Because I put the singer to shame. I also need to send her love quotes everyday. I send her lyrics from Backstreet Boys songs. She loves them and thinks I write them. Also, I send dirty jokes to my friends. It makes them laugh. They don’t send me messages but it is okay. I am generous and have a life. So you see, phone is very important.

7) Without Phone, I have no life.

Yes indeed. Let us see why. It is as follows:

●         Without a phone, no frustration and irritation.

●        Without a phone, no dhup-chik-dhup-chik. I dont like ipod of any company.

●        Without a phone, no one to call, email, text, sms and message.

●        Without a phone, no fun camera to click, photograph myself.

So you see my life revolves around my phone.

I love my phone.

Without it, I’m just a dried leaf lying abandoned in the New York Central Park.

Without it, *sobs*, I’m just another college student, no?

Without it, I am.. simply.. *sobs harder*.. human.

My Phooooooone!!!

What will I ever do without you?!

Lots of things! I know! But Still!

My Phooooooone!!!

--

Operation Rainbow 7 (Rajmachi)

[l-r] Supratik, Vijay, Me, Sagnik, Gaurav and Prashant (SP)

And the seven of us went on one of the craziest trek ever.
Sushrut, Gaurav, Prashant, Sagnik, Supratik, Shamik and Vijay.

Morning at 5, a text-
"Wakie Wakie.
Wash your teethie and let us Trekkie!"
Vijay modifies- "Walkie Talkie, Trekkie Wakie"

SP, Suppu, Shamik reach Karjat, by bus, an hour early.

"Pinnacles of Rajmachi" text received by all.
Replies- "Fuck Off."
"Shut the fuck up and travel."

Sushrut, Gaurav, Sagnik rendezvous at Kalyan.
Vijay ends up on one end, Sushrut walks to the other.
Finally they meet and walk up to Sagnik and Gaurav.
Train announced and we run.
Get inside, split ways.
Journey passes with GoodDay biscuits, laughs.

Karjat:
Observant self in form
Notices Italian cap and white legs
All meet as long lost pals after years

Walk.
Ask for Directions.
Walk.

Bridge. DukDuk Dukkar.
200 bucks. Kondivade.
Photos. Laughs. Tales.
Shamik and Gaurav the only ones with Cams.

Walk.
Ask for directions.
Walk.

Village. Foolhardy Optimism.
Sushrut leads team up the wrong hill.
Error recognized. Laughs. Leader-Taunts.
Team falls back, long muddy walk ahead.

Walk.
Ask for Directions.
Walk.

Vijay talks.
Sagnik creates.
The Game of Unwanted Trivia.
Points, Stars, Credit Cards formed.
Laughs. Laughs.
Trains, Engines, lots of Unwanted Trivia.
Laughs. Laughs.

Kakdi Stop.
Teams overtake us.
"Aur leader kakdi kha raha hai..", says Suppu.
Laughs. Laughs.
Unwanted Saga continues.

Right Village. Right track up the hill.
Into the rich green forest.
Forest that smells of rain.
Track through the forest.
Track that leads up to the Pinnacles of Rajmachi.
:D

Walk. Walk. Walk.
Shamik- "Ambush!"
"Bush hi Bush hai, aur kya Ambush?" :P
Follow white arrows.
Click photos on plains.
Hungry wind of the rain everywhere.
Pastel green grass, trees, shrubs.
Frigging Striped Mosquitoes sucking us alive.
Convoy pic. Water. Sagnik lumbering up.
Prashant running all the way back.
Pics. Laughs. Laughs. Walk again.
Sagnik and Sushrut sing along-
"I fell into a burning ring of fire!"

Wrong turn. To the Caves.
Fall back. Wrong turn again.
We face the cliff.
Sushrut explores, suggests we fall back again.
Shamik and perhaps all suggest climbing up the cliff. (!!)
Some hesitancy in the air.
That moist, virgin air of the rain.
Decision taken. We climb up the Cliff!

Cliff is vertical.
Cliff is slippery.
It's full of snails, some water.

Suppu gets a call.
"He-loee?"
Sagnik climbs up first.
Then Sushrut does.
Our feet supported by dear ol' Suppu.
"He-loee?"
Then we all do.
Crushing the snails.
Risking falling down and breaking our dear asses.
Suppu hangs up by one hand.
Gaurav almost slips.
Vijay almost slips too.
But we all climb up. Sexy.

Bags, Sticks passed on. iPod's safety ensured.
Sagnik is very relieved.
We climb up again and are lost.
Yells. Yells. Some more.
"Koni aahe?!"
"Koni aahe ka?!"
Cows spotted. Cows talked to.
We climb up to the cows. Crushing vegetation on our way.
A bit more horizontal walk and road spotted.
Arrows spotted. Relief like never before.

Kaka spotted. Lunch booked.
Walk again. For 90-120 minutes more.
Sakharam Cafe reached.
2 glasses of lemon juice.
Packet of peanuts. Parle G.
Shamik mistaking the packet for ice cream.
Gives a 100 watt smile initially but loves peanuts all the same.
Vijay preserves some for the train journey back.

Walk to the village. Kaka's place.
Heaven Heavenly Heavenly Heavenly lunch.
Bhakri, Bhaji, Dal, Kairi pickle, Lasun chatni, Papad, Rice, Buttermilk.
Nice. Rural Lunch. Kaka clicks pics.
The Team on a high.
Laughs again on the veranda. Some more.
Rain starts.

Umbrella jokes. Pee jokes.
Dog, a pro, follows us all the way down.
Walk back to Sakharam Cafe and down.
Slippery Road. Falls.
Gaurav in all spectacular positions.
Sagnik, twice, in appreciative elegance.
Flight of Suppu during Sagnik's second.

Down, Down, Down.
Slippery Road. Niiiice Rain.
Dog poses, mocks. Overseeing us clambering down.
Then does the same with ease. Ruddy.

Sagnik jubiliant on the way back.
Teaches us the right way to descend.
"Don't clamber down, jump."
"Just walk, baby! Why worry?"
"I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop!"
:P

We meet another team.
They lead us on to a better road.
We follow, with initial skepticism.
Especially from Shamik and Sushrut.
But the heck- the road turns out to be better.
100 watt grins.

Gaurav stubs his toe.
That IS painful, people.
But the matey has a damn good spirit
and never really complains.

Good road down.
"Oooooo Huzooor.. Tera tera tera surroooor!"
"Kajara Kajara kajaraaaree.."
Prashant- "Abbe chup!"
Bwaha!

Slowly, surely, we reach.
Dog eats up an entire packet of Parle G.
He is named Parle G.
Catch a DukDuk Dukkar.
Laughs Laughs Laughs all the way back.
Vadapav bought, eaten.
Saumya catches up in the train.
Suppu gives football updates.
Simadri sends everyone a text.
Shamik eats up Vijay's preserved peanuts.
Sagnik makes hypothetical jokes.
Sushrut forgets Prashant's and Shamik's names.
SP laughs some more.

An awesome day, people.
An awesome day with an awesome team.
:)

The Coffee Song

[Coffee, my dear people, makes me do weird things at times. You might notice that I'm willingly passing on the blame to ol' coffee. But then- that's that. I strongly suggest you put aside your brains while going through this, erm.. post. Let your brains have some coffee. And thank you, Nikhil Mane, for that one particular line. Cheers,]

Crazy Coffee, Crazy Coffee,
What would I do without you?
I drink you deep
From a yellow mug,
From a red cup,
From a giant white mug
And from a black one too!
You keep me so happy!
Crazy Coffee! Crazy Coffee!

That day, you remember?
You milky brown thing, do you remember?
You're black, are you.. do you remember?
It was cold. It was damp.
I made you Hot. Oh so darn Hot!
I had you Hot. Oh so amazingly Hot!
And you were so warm and fuzzy.
You made me so happy!
My Crazy Coffee. My Crazy Coffee.

"Spanish Eyes.." sings Matt Monro.
"Crazy Coffee Eyes.." sing I.
When blood enters my coffee stream,
Oh the Beatles don't shine,
Beach Boys don't shine no more.
Cyndi Lauper does fade
Even Dylan shines no more.
When blood enters my coffee stream.
Oh Crazy Coffee, keep it flowing!
I need no blood, just want you Coffee!
What would I ever do without you?

*starts howling*

Craaaaaazzzzzyyy Cooooffffeeeee!
Youuuu keep my brain working, baby!
Youuuu, I truly won't flatter.
Youuuu, keep my kidneys working, baby!
Youuuu fill up my bladder.
Annie fills up John Denver's senses.
But you, Coffee, make me lose mine.
Craaaazzzyyy Coffee! Crazy Cooofffeee!
What wooould I doooo without youuuu?

*stalks around glancing sideways suspiciously*
*points threateningly*

They! They have their eyes on you!
They aim to take you from me!
I seem to be going insane..
Should I let myself be?

*howls again*

Because yoooouuuuu have my senses!
Oh yoooouuuu have made me MAD!
What is this I write these days, Coffee?!
Why this, Crazy Coffee?!
Craaaazzzzyyyy Cooofffeee!
Btw my new mug is blue.
:P

Vote For Nice People! :)

I live in a nice locality full of nice, educated people.
Friendly shop-keepers know everyone and we being especially old customers, take care that they stack everything we need. So we have stale breads, a single brand of ketchup, the dry dry-fruits and voila! LAYS is not available. This is because the nice shop-keepers are health conscious. Monosodium Glutamate, remember?

Being a nice locality full of nice people, I'm very proud of the roads. They resemble those of the moon, so moon-walking ain't a big deal for us. Sometimes, one of the street-lamps just decides to doze off and that patch of the pot-holed road is in the dark. So it becomes very romantic and safe.

All individual societies full of nice people take the duty of guarding their premises very seriously. So they build walls around their 'gardens' which boast of rare weeds and poisonous reptiles. They hire age-old watchmen or rather- veterans in the business of security. I feel the main reason behind this is the fact that brains are more important than brawn. After all- the robbers and the thieves would be afraid the experience these Security Guards must have had. So what if they are all above 60?! They can run fast or so the Society Chairmen believe!

Getting back to the friendly shop-keepers in our nice locality full of nice people, they have everything that can be made of brittle steel and brass. Be sure that the stainless steel sold to the nice people will rust. :) Vegetable-vendors buy the stuff weeks before selling it to us. And since the nice people buy it, there is no one to complain.

Why are all the people nice you ask?
Because the children as young as Five can abuse extremely well in the area, 'Quality' is probably a word unheard of by any of the people here, they know Metro Junction as an awesome place full of good stuff and a Merc parked in that awesome mall can be broken into. This is because of the intimidating presence of the Veteran Watchmen.
These nice people are divided into Four main political camps and they keep on urging you to vote to some particular civilized party. Imagine your nice neighbors asking you to vote for random people. Most of the youths have joined mainstream parties and have forgotten what 'Development' means.

Then there come the elections.
New goons stand each time and they get elected too. And our nice life continues as it is with NO FRIGGING CHANGE.

All the nice people vote in my area. They say it is our duty as responsible citizens to vote. Yes dear folks, vote for goons and make India proud. Don't you see? You ACTUALLY GET TO CHOOSE from among the many goons present! :)

Useless, irresponsible citizens like me who don't vote are termed as lazy. Nice people say that we can register a Null Vote. No wait.. I'll quote- "Declare before the Officer that you ain't gonna vote!"
Bwahahahaha! How is that gonna affect the system?!

But NO.. the officer is a nice guy. He will contact his superiors.. and they will maintain a count of people who registered a protest vote. This will go the much higher level. Then a committee will be formed to look into the matter. Then the next time, if a goon stands for election again, he will be barred. Wow! And the committee will find a Responsible, Nice, Educated candidate, right?
Right? :)

No one will enter politics. Everyone will either cast a protest vote or cast a Responsible vote. And then go around telling people off for not voting. Politics is not for people like us. We can do MBAs and be good leaders but politics is a no-no. So what do we do? We VOTE and be a good citizen.
What makes a good citizen?

What makes a good citizen?
Only voting, right? It does not matter that we pay our taxes on time, we don't cheat the government by tampering with the electric meters, we always buy tickets, we save water, we save electricity, we don't encourage corruption, we don't litter, we don't keep our feet on the seats in the train..
It DOES NOT matter as long as we VOTE.

Because VOTING for a goon is much much better than being a good human.
So vote for people who don't deserve to be there and be a responsible citizen.
DO YOUR DUTY TO INDIA and vote.
And live happily in your nice neighborhood with all the nice people.
:)

Scribbles

Someone has rightly said- Scribble down stuff so that you learn to scribble down stuff.

I have no idea what prompted the above personality to make this highly logical statement public. Crap, I say, should be pushed into the furthest depths of our minds.
Anyways- we can, conveniently, leave aside the fact that the mentioned personality is none other royalty than me; and progress to more comfortable issues at hand.
Like- reading this post! Yay! :P

My eyes, though Myopic, stay open and look at the world with curiosity.
My eyes, though covered with 'goggles', look at the various colors of insanity around.
My eyes, though armed with eyelashes and heavy specs, need to close down when dust finds its way into them.
And chemicals in my brain trade places, the Rinkals.. ahem.. the 'wrinkles' in my brain shift around a bit and help form a new memory.
A memory, immortalizing, the action of noble craziness that has passed my nobler eye.

Crazy actions are actions of God. Why?
Because they are not the actions of Satan. :P
Alright.. pushing the crap way behind...

Sparrow Saga:
Our house entertains a family of house sparrows one after another. They are sensible enough to come one by one and that ensures we get no squabbling between sparrow neighbors. One such sparrow found it fit to lay eggs behind the Speaker System. Every night the male sparrow made sure he is out of the house, tucked away in some dark foliage. The female one flew around the house till it was dark inside too.
Maybe this affected her tiny brain or she was just a nasty little creature- but she developed one weird habit. She started offering us her shit.
Now was it with an intention of giving us a gift for our hospitality?
Or was it just her method of cleaning up her nest?
Whatever... she, without fail, picked up a bunch of her droppings from her nest in her BEAK and neatly flew down on our carpet. Then, she actually KEPT the droppings (usually greyish brown, occasionally beige) on our carpet and flew around doing her errands. That cheeky bird KEPT droppings everyday on our carpet. Everyday. Without fail. Now this is some fat-headed activity or what?

Tale of a Genius Builder/Contractor/that bloke who digs up the roads!:
Come monsoon and you can tell it by the cloudy skies.
Come monsoon and you can tell it by the dug-up road outside Kalyan (E) rail-station.
Precisely a year ago, some bird-brained fella (who may be any of the above mentioned royalties) thought it fit to uproot all the trees in a certain plot of land and dig it all up.
This was a week before monsoon.
So when the rains came, the plot of land was prepared to be a BIG pain in the arse.
It was ensured that we'll have a lousy monsoon full of muddy, slushy treks everyday to the station. During the summer, we had a tar road. During monsoon, some d***-heads covered it all with MUD. We said alright, may God pretend to forget them. :P
Now, again in Summer'09, we had a good tar road.
Again- in Monsoon'09, preparations were underway since last two weeks in full gusto! Truckloads of mud was dumped on the suffering tar road.
Yes dear people, they have successfully made sure that the muddy, slushy path will make its presence felt during this monsoon.
What kind of stupidity is this?
Can't they push these whims under the non-existent depths of their non-existent minds?
Maybe the non-existence is the problem... but the heck!
How thick can they get?!

Delta Force (PC Game):
Terrorists are all over the place. They stand on pre-determined spots, NEVER move even if their comrade gets shot in the head. They stand there.. waiting to be killed.
How to kill them?
Very easy. Shoot them wherever you want. In the leg, in the groin or if you want to- in the head. They die with one bullet. Shoot them in the toes, they will die.
Motivation to Die, people.
You are gifted with a (gun) sniper cum semi-auto with a burst option too. You carry two bags of dynamite, 10 grenades. You can still climb up a mountain in no time and can climb a ruddy Pyramid right up to it's tip too! :D
You can kill from a distance of your choice while terrorists just stand there holding their silly rifles. They can't hit you unless you're a few meters away from them. Because they are trained to hit... er, nothing. They can't hit nothing from more than 10 meters away.
Also, you need to take minimum 10 bullets to die, mind you.
And then, even if you are, say, 4 meters away from an enemy, he will just stand there waiting, pointing the gun at you. He gives you time to shoot in his hair. And when you do, he dies.
Challenging game, yes sir.

Counter Strike (Another freakin' game):
The enemy can't wait to kill you. That's about it. :)

'Green Day' Interview on VH1:
What is 'Green Day'? For you dunderheads who got it right- it is a punk rock band. :P
Recently saw the vocalist giving a highly intellectual interview on television. He 'you know' spoke precious little 'you know' other than 'you know' the quoted words but 'you know' whatever he 'you know' spoke was pretty 'you know' good.
All I got is 'you know' they have a 'you know' mountain to climb and they are 'you know' coming out with a brand new 'you know' album! Yay!
It is called 21st Century 'you know' Breakdown.
Yeah mate, I know.
:P

Well fellas, this is it for now.
You keep grinning all around and pass me a couple of Lindts whenever you do or not feel like it.
:)

Aunties, Platforms and Us

-First and Foremost, I'll thank my cellphone to have woken me up so promptly at 2 in the morning. Thank you, old thing. :)
-Second and 'Foremore', I thank Mitali whole-heartedly who made me think of writing this post.
-Third and 'not-foremost-neither-foremore', I thank the Bassist of 'System of a Down' for entertaining me with his antics at 3 in the morning.
\m/

I had once rightly stated that the most irritating creatures on railway platforms are females.
Even females around me had agreed. Such nobility.
But then- I was just 16. I had just started using suburban trains in Mumbai.
I was yet to see a highly gifted subclass of females on the not-so-but-very crowded railway stations.
Aunties with all their slow, sweaty charisma.

I'm stereotyping this species. Usually fat, but ample of them skinny.
Lack of an ability to speak softly. As a result- they tend to yell.
Lack of an ability to think clearly. As a result- they tend to not think at all.
Lack of an ability to walk fast (YES!). As a result- they kinda waddle.
I am often kept worried that they will lose their balance and fall just because of their sheer speed of waddling.

They love to:

1. Glare - We'll get back to finer details of this highly entertaining characteristic. Just keep in mind that they luurve to glare at everyone and everything.
2. Argue/Fight/Make their displeasure known - Take it as you see it. According to me, this specific characteristic is a right (or wrong) pain in the a**.
3. Bitch - Avoid standing anywhere near the partition of ladies-gents compartment unless you want to hear a thousand and eight stories about a hundred and sixty three Aunty lives.
4. Be a Juggernaught - Remember blokes-who-value-their-lives, never stand between an Aunty and her destination. When Aunty wants to go somewhere and the time on her fat/skinny wrist is less, there is NO stopping her! She will push/trample/elbow/knee/head-bang her way towards it! So what if there's a crowd of men before her?! It is their ruddy fault they exist to push against!
5. Be a Roadblock - We are not allowed to be a Juggernaught. Because then we would be 'allegedly' sexually assaulting a thoroughly non-sexually attractive Aunty for all we know. Anyways, when the train's coming, all the roads through the female crowd are blocked by Aunties. And they glare at us for asking them to move. Cute guys travel much faster through such hazardous crowds. One can say- they sail through! Aunties are females after all. (Are they really?!) :P
   
6. Maintaining Sanctity - They somehow make up their mind of keeping in check the number of ladies in their compartment and refuse point-blank to accept any more.

Wise thought:
As I had once wisely said and don't hesitate to repeat it whenever needed-
Men push Inside a crowded compartment, Women push Outside.
Now who's behind the strategy?
Yes! Aunties!

So let us glare at the nearest Math textbook we've got (or Biology which some of you losers probably hate) and get a feel of how it feels to be an Aunty.
This specimen of Womankind glares whenever it is pissed off, to make matters clear.
Glaring is actually harmless for the subjects so for entertaining results, let us see ways of pissing an Aunty off while on a Railway platform:

1. Glare at them. This is a trigger and instantly works. For better results, make a deep frown and glare AROUND you. In that way, more Aunties glare back. The deeper their frown, the deeper is their pleasure.Works better if you're wearing black, have longish hair and sport a metal-head beard. (Their husbands must be pretty irritated of what their wives enjoy but hey- this is not my genre of humor! Is it?) :P
2. Have a girl? Hold her hand, hug her, stand close to her, talk to her or just- have her with you. If you're around 18-19 years old, it is enough to piss off a genuine Aunty and voila! Just the fact of having a girl has an Aunty glaring at the two of you!
3. Walking at a good pace and using a cellphone/mp3 player at the same time makes an Aunty feel insecure about the safety of her non-manicured toenails. For no comprehensible reason. She thinks we have nothing better to do but to step on her toes and spoil our shoes. So she glares with a desperate hope of warding us off from her feet.
4. Wearing 'goggles' is not encouraged. An Aunty feels unsure of where exactly we are looking and that prompts her to make quick glances at your dark (hehehe) glasses. Like I'll look at the Aunty instead of the cute chick beside her. :P Motherly instinct regarding cute chicks? Maybe... Not unfounded, her fears are though... strictly in this case.
   
5. You. The very fact that you exist is enough for an already-pissed-off Aunty to glare at you.

Interesting, no?

These aunties find jobs as Government employees, irritating Profs, in banks, other clerical jobs, kitty-parties, Homemakers and How-To-Be-An-Awesome-Aunty institutes.
Yes dear folks, they need to make sure that the coming generation comes up with Aunties too.

More on this subject?
Want to know what makes an Aunty happy?
Want to know how to woo an Aunty's really nice daughter?
Want to know what helps ward off Aunties from platforms?

Really- why bother? :P
And yeah- nothing can ward off Aunties from platforms. It is their home ground. A place where Aunty interns learn from veteran Aunties.

Aunties are here to stay.
Learn to live with them.
How?

Stop giving a ruddy damn.
:)

We Shit Alone

Of all the things we enjoy doing with the bits of population we are fond of, there are some things which we really prefer to do alone.
Also, in some cases, we've got no choice.

Say- you ask your bud, "Hey mate, I feel my bowels loosening up. Wanna accompany me to the loo?"
Be sure you wont get "Awesome man! Let's go.." as a reply.
So you see, you've got no choice in such cases.

Apply it anywhere... when you are in a shitty situation, you are alone.
And again- it just happens that you're alone and that's always the best way to deal with the crap.

Most of the crappy aka shitty aka pathetic things in life can't be understood by your best mates. These are the elements which come in your inner sphere and it is best others can't invade that space... even though you're willing.
Beyond a certain point, you're always alone in the dark.
It's like you keeping the door open and others not understanding the point of coming in when you're in the middle of excreting excreta.
You Shit Alone.

Interesting thing is- others can decide whether to provide the light or not.
In residences of normal people, the light switches are somewhere near the door so that you don't find yourself stumbling over the non-existent rats in the dark...
Anyways, if you have enough individuals loving you with good intentions for your hygiene, they tend to switch on the light (should be a CFL) if you forget to do so.
That ensures your job is done in a neat way.

Did you understand that they did not trample in and made it easier... but just switched on the light, gave you the needed visual support and thus you had a (hopefully) clean job done.
But hey! You did the job.
You (always) Shit Alone.

Now don't start bugging me by telling your childhood stories. Yes, even my dad/mum have helped me but then.. I was a child! I needed people to help me out of tight situations!
Now that I've grown up, I can get myself out of constipating situations!
I (since long long back) Shit Alone.

And the best thing is-
We always feel better after doing it. That means letting go of ruddy elements (or rather- excreting excreta) makes us feel better and we become a new individual!

So we learn that when we shit alone, with necessary help in form of CFL lights, we always feel better than we used to.
So it is best to understand why we shit alone and get done with it in a nice manner.

Thanks for going through one of my most nonsensical posts... which makes sense in a most nonsensical manner.
But then- this is how I excrete the excreta in my Cranium.
And that too alone.

:)

Dumbasses

(This post may exhibit extreme opinions. Some sentences may appear as if they're being yelled out. Please understand that it was written when I was angry, frustrated and disgusted. The mood gets reflected in my writing. Cheers,)

Education gives birth to better citizens. What’s education according to the average Indian citizens? Nothing but marks!

I say that’s bullshit.

Pure, unadulterated, eco-friendly bullshit.

I have seen blokes with excellent marks being as worthy of being a good citizen as is a muddy pig.

Common mannerisms (regarding spitting, peeing and littering) are absent in these ‘model’ students.

Under graduate male students have no idea how to respect the fairer ‘n cuter sex.

Ignorance abundant and airhead personality, these class toppers search for ‘fraanship’ on social networking sites.

I aint cursing the breed… but though they’re less in number, these hateful freaks have successfully planted hatred in my mind.

They are pitiable too.

No family values, sick neighborhood and pathetic teachers are the sole reason behind the existence of these types.

Let’s come to a true incident as narrated to me by me:

“As you know, Xavieriites and VJTI students rarely remove their identity cards while commuting. I mean alright, they’re lucky and smart… they’re enjoying in two of the best colleges Mumbai has to offer. But why the hell do they have to show off?! Show off to whom?! To the population which hardly bothers about your college while pushing you around in the train?!

Anyways, once on my way back home, I spotted a young, bespectacled, VJTI guy in my first class compartment. Since it was partially empty, he was happily getting high on his i-pod and had his pair of dirty lower limbs firmly placed on the opposite seat.

*Note: VJTI Engineers are one of the best in the country. I’m witnessing the great college’s spawn. He is educated and is being educated. Model Engineer. Model citizen.*

I lost my temper at once. I asked him point blank (with Nazi arrogance) what the number of his spectacle lenses was. Confused, he answered in decimals. I asked him whether he can see objects at a distance now that he’s armed with four eyes. He said he can. I pointed to the sign (telling commuters to keep their feet off the seats) and told him to read it. He did and shrugged. How stupid could he get?! I practically ordered him to read it again and obey. At last the dumbass got his face red and humiliation before 10 odd commuters caused him to lower his feet and occupied himself with the rapid blur of shapes outside the window.

He had his ears bright red till the very end of my journey. I taught him a lesson and I’m damn happy!