A Cuppa In The Rain

Love is like a steaming cup of coffee in the rain.
It keeps you warm and cheers you up when the world is getting drenched.
It gives you a high and also a brand new perspective to look at life.
Also, it doesn’t last forever.
I’d a sip from this cup once. I know I can’t let go the past easily and that gives me a constipated feeling.

Things weren’t well between us since the very beginning. Yet, we were in love.
I’ve always been, unlike her, the easy-going one. She doesn’t understand humor at its wittiest like I do. Aggression comes naturally to me while she prefers to stay inside the shell. ‘Adventure’ is defined differently by both of us.
Maybe that’s what made me fall for her. And that’s what made her think that we weren’t made for each other. Now I know she was right.

Whatever maybe the case, I know she’s an angel. Deep eyes speaking volumes… infinite patience… she gave ‘softness’ a whole new meaning.

I don’t know when we started liking each other. Maybe our actions told us. Waiting for hours on the railway station, conversations lasting for hours on the telephone, the thrill while planning our future lives together and… when our eyes spoke much more than mere words every time we met.
Small things do matter when there’s nothing more to expect.
Though I never knew we’d fall apart.
I’d no idea how vulnerable a candle is which has withstood a whirlwind.
It cannot survive the rain.

It all started with the rain.
I was sixteen. On a rainy afternoon, I’d seen her walk by, wearing black. She was on my mind the whole day.
Sometime during the fall, we met on a crowded foot-over bridge. That’s when I got her phone number. It rained calls on her phone for the next three months.
She just liked me then. I was ecstatic! We spent whole nights on phone. Catching up with our lives, telling family secrets, sharing weird experiences or just listening as the other exhaled. It was heaven.

Rain had come again. This time we went out together. Dark skies and rain was coming lashing down… without hesitating she slipped her hand into mine. In surprise I looked at her and the warmth her smile gave me is still alive…
I still remember her eyes, bright as ever…
I never knew the gloom of the rainy skies would befall them.

Winter followed the showers and something unfortunate happened, which forced my Cancerian babe to withdraw deep beneath the sand.
I roamed those empty beaches alone… a sunbeam for company… searching for some signs of love. I had no idea what I was looking for and I missed many a paths.
Cloudy, my heart was.

Sometime back, the sun came out again and the Crab too… it crawled gladly beside me. I did wonder whether it was for the good. I made myself believe that it was. The sky was lit yet the horizon was hazy… which I heeded not.

Today she tells me I failed to understand her. She tells me what I felt wasn’t selfless love. She tells me I never disclosed my inner thoughts to her. She tells me that I never grew close to her. She tells me that we’re better off apart.

And I think- does she even know that I write my thoughts?
I can’t speak them aloud. They make noise.
I don’t like noise the kind thunder makes. I prefer the silent wetting of the ground by the rain. Silent, yet effective.

Strangely enough, I feel she’s not worth thinking about if she doesn’t understand me. My love for her. My hopes. My dreams.
I feel weird… and fuzzy… like some lost Pink Floyd song… lyrics floating away into the darkness…
A hot cuppa keeping me company with a couple of sunrays. I feel light and peaceful.
I feel cold.
I walk over to the window and smile… ‘cause it’s rainin’ again…