The Will Of Time

I love to trek.
It teaches me discipline. Of my body and mind. Of my soul.
It is when I retrospect.
It is when I know myself and get familiar with my innermost thoughts.
It is when I'm truly alone and at peace.
It is when I'm one with the Spirit itself.

I was lying by the stream that day. The sky was overcast and the wind was slowly growing chilly. I had my jacket and good shoes on so I'd little to worry. Everything was going as smoothly as expected. The glacier was conquered two days ago and my fellow trekkers were in a jolly mood. It was then I had felt the void... deep inside me.
The gargles of the stream were helping me explore it.

I started walking in the dense forest of my troubled dreams. A single path kept showing itself before me. I knew where it lead to. Hesitantly, I kept walking on. Old habits die hard and so do old passions. I recalled the days when this road was much more pleasant... sweet scents wafting through the air... and when the sky was anything but gloomy. I missed those days. Those days were history.

The leaves of the fall which had blown away with the wind of time had made no attempt to return. The seeds buried deep beneath the ground were making no efforts to resurface. The buds refused to flower. With deep regret I realised that it's too late. The pole was driven six feet deep and refused to budge against the flimsy force of my will.
I foolishly thought that I've been scarred for life. I believed that it's not easy to get over things even as time flows by...

As if to prove my point, I picked up a rock and threw it in the rushing waters. As expected, it stuck fast between two large boulders and refused to move.
I grimaced.
Then it was unceremoniously removed from its place by the current and was smoothly carried downstream. Such was the result of its pointless defiance.

Wind ruffled up my hair as the sun shone down...

A Cuppa In The Rain

Love is like a steaming cup of coffee in the rain.
It keeps you warm and cheers you up when the world is getting drenched.
It gives you a high and also a brand new perspective to look at life.
Also, it doesn’t last forever.
I’d a sip from this cup once. I know I can’t let go the past easily and that gives me a constipated feeling.

Things weren’t well between us since the very beginning. Yet, we were in love.
I’ve always been, unlike her, the easy-going one. She doesn’t understand humor at its wittiest like I do. Aggression comes naturally to me while she prefers to stay inside the shell. ‘Adventure’ is defined differently by both of us.
Maybe that’s what made me fall for her. And that’s what made her think that we weren’t made for each other. Now I know she was right.

Whatever maybe the case, I know she’s an angel. Deep eyes speaking volumes… infinite patience… she gave ‘softness’ a whole new meaning.

I don’t know when we started liking each other. Maybe our actions told us. Waiting for hours on the railway station, conversations lasting for hours on the telephone, the thrill while planning our future lives together and… when our eyes spoke much more than mere words every time we met.
Small things do matter when there’s nothing more to expect.
Though I never knew we’d fall apart.
I’d no idea how vulnerable a candle is which has withstood a whirlwind.
It cannot survive the rain.

It all started with the rain.
I was sixteen. On a rainy afternoon, I’d seen her walk by, wearing black. She was on my mind the whole day.
Sometime during the fall, we met on a crowded foot-over bridge. That’s when I got her phone number. It rained calls on her phone for the next three months.
She just liked me then. I was ecstatic! We spent whole nights on phone. Catching up with our lives, telling family secrets, sharing weird experiences or just listening as the other exhaled. It was heaven.

Rain had come again. This time we went out together. Dark skies and rain was coming lashing down… without hesitating she slipped her hand into mine. In surprise I looked at her and the warmth her smile gave me is still alive…
I still remember her eyes, bright as ever…
I never knew the gloom of the rainy skies would befall them.

Winter followed the showers and something unfortunate happened, which forced my Cancerian babe to withdraw deep beneath the sand.
I roamed those empty beaches alone… a sunbeam for company… searching for some signs of love. I had no idea what I was looking for and I missed many a paths.
Cloudy, my heart was.

Sometime back, the sun came out again and the Crab too… it crawled gladly beside me. I did wonder whether it was for the good. I made myself believe that it was. The sky was lit yet the horizon was hazy… which I heeded not.

Today she tells me I failed to understand her. She tells me what I felt wasn’t selfless love. She tells me I never disclosed my inner thoughts to her. She tells me that I never grew close to her. She tells me that we’re better off apart.

And I think- does she even know that I write my thoughts?
I can’t speak them aloud. They make noise.
I don’t like noise the kind thunder makes. I prefer the silent wetting of the ground by the rain. Silent, yet effective.

Strangely enough, I feel she’s not worth thinking about if she doesn’t understand me. My love for her. My hopes. My dreams.
I feel weird… and fuzzy… like some lost Pink Floyd song… lyrics floating away into the darkness…
A hot cuppa keeping me company with a couple of sunrays. I feel light and peaceful.
I feel cold.
I walk over to the window and smile… ‘cause it’s rainin’ again…