Smile and the Frown

It is a day like any other.
Erm.. no. It is not.

I'm just one young adult among thousands who sincerely loves his one girl.
No, I am not even sure I do.
I am not sure whether I should.

Listening to Pink Floyd is soothing my senses, having coffee is helping me.
Nope, the combination is just making me think more and more.

I am doing what I must at the moment. I am studying hard for my exams.
Right now- I am not. I'm trying hard to make sense out of the jumble in my mind.

I argued with one of those few best friends I have.
Reason- anger on my part for a certain kind of denial. I feel it is justified.
I am not sure it is justified. Why can't it all be much simpler?

It is dark outside... and warm.
I find light inside me... vivid, bright, uncomfortable light. And I am cold.
My eyes are cold.

The paths to be taken are before me. I can choose them when time comes.
Time will have to be persuaded?

Life is a cake and I have everything I want. I have everything others want.
I don't have things the way I want them to be.

I love the people around me. I love my family. I love the rest.
I don't love them all.
Why?

I want to reach out. I want to grab the finer things in my life.
I want them to come on their own. If they are my destiny, they will.

I want to conquer.
I am willing to fight for every single part of my conquest.

I want to grow.
I am willing to remove every single ounce of imperfection from my soul.

I want to love.
Not one girl, not one nation, but the world I build around me.
What is life without this effort?

I am feeling good inside and I am satisfied.
There are dark melancholies which won't go unless... *sighs*

There is a smile on my face.
Or is there a frown?

I live through them both.
I live.