Dull and drab, I was feeling like the clouds up above, stationary at their place, not allowed to move but just do their work. Curled up on the sofa in my dark living room, my thoughts I felt were like the raindrops, falling down with no sense whatsoever, one among many.
I felt like one among many.
Call it predictable people but a spoonful of hot rice (I was curled up on the sofa for lunch) did the trick, and I couldn't help the grin forming on my face and the jubilant cry was heard all around my apartment-
"It's a rainy day!"
Later I'm inside feeling one with the gloom around me and thinking like ever..
The Pink Floyd notes float around me and I travel deep inside. I go through the darkest insecurities, through the most powerful ambitions and the meanest desires. I see the past as the present and the future as tomorrow as it is supposed to be. There is no present. I live in the past and see the future. Denial?
After all, It's a rainy day!
I've got a chocolate cake in the oven. I can't open the oven doors. My cake is perfect in all aspects but it doesn't want to open the oven doors from inside either. So I just sit there hoping to have it someday when I ain't supposed to.
When I know I probably am not going to.
Then why even look at it when the decision's taken?
Why? Ain't I strong enough?
But a moment of weakness is tempting.
Temptations come and go like the rain...
It's a rainy day!
The chilly winds remind me of the tasks I've set for myself and the trenches I'm in at the moment. Chilly winds remind me of the heights I've conquered when I was deep down below just a year back. The wind reminds me of the tears I had shed for a beloved animal and the warmth of a hand clasped tightly in mine as the sea lay in its calm serenity before the two of us. It all comes down to the same thing, eh? I'm drunk on Life and that's what gonna happen!
The hangover will last as long as my dreams are wet with memories...
It's a rainy day!
Rain is Time.
It shows me the futility of trying to bridge gaps, futility of hoping for the moon during daytime when all I need to do is go through the day first. Why hope for the night when it's gonna come sooner or later?! Just go through the ruddy day first!
Rain is Cold. It shows me that unless we are able to make ourselves warm, there's no fun in being cold.
Rain is Wet. It shows me that unless we are able to make ourselves dry, there's no fun in being wet.
Rain is a narcotic.
It makes me hallucinate and live in the past.
It acts as a sedative and otherwise I'm on a high.
A different kind of high.. where I'm unaware of what I think and do.
It makes me indulge in its addictive fumes again and again when somewhere inside I know there is no point. Rain makes me a drunkard.
The rain won't last for long... but today-
It's a rainy day!
Rain is an incident in my mind where the conversation over cups of coffee took strides in a direction I'd seldom imagined. It will soon fade away but will leave me dreading other such rainy days. Why I'm all about the same thing today?
It's a bloody rainy day!
Rain is in my soul.
Rain is Me.
I make myself go out for a walk in the rain and return drenched. I refuse to make myself dry and refuse to make myself warm. I refuse to see the Sun which stands just behind the clouds. Because pushing the clouds aside is painful? Because I love the clouds? Or do I love myself thinking about the painful clouds I love?
I love the pain?
Pleasurable pain?
Bullshit.
I live a rainy day while it lasts.
Then I live under the Sun.
And the Blues lie where they should... awaiting a rainy day.
In the meanwhile- I love what I want to love.
:)
