There came a knock on the door As I had sat down for a quiet smoke The butler found an old lady on the doorstep She had knocked like someone in need "And what does the old lady want?"
"Does she want shelter? For we have to none to offer. One room is for me and my wife, The other is for my children, Third is for our honored guests while Fourth is for the ever-present Decadence."
"What does the old lady want? Does she want some food? We surely cannot spare our nice meats Nor can we share our precious loaves of bread. Do we have some broth in the larder? No? There is no food for the old lady here."
"What is she still waiting for? We don't have clothes for the old lady. What does she know of our silks? What does she know of the leather we wear? Don't we have some old rags? No? Well then.. please ask her to pass along."
"Is the old lady looking for answers? On her way down the road? Have not she lived life enough to know why and how things are run? Tell her we don't know of her plight Tell her we don't care about the world's misery We live and we earn for ourselves here.. We're not angels in here.. to guide her along. She has lived enough to know where she's going. What does the old lady want? Why does she keep shaking her head?"
I walked through the living room, past the priceless paintings and vases, past the Persian rugs and suits of armor, I stood at the door and looked down at the old lady. And I stood there for some time.
She was elegant and she looked rich, Her eyes, deep and blue, saw well past me. I wondered what she lacked, why was she here, Her face, it seemed, lacked only a smile.
The old lady wanted a smile. She had lost hers on the way. I gave her one. And she was back on the road.. :)
Can I sell you the blue sky? Can I sell you the rainbow? Now that I'm indoors all day, I don't really seem to need them any more.
What with all the walls around me, Can I sell you the birds that fly? Pigeons, whom I loathe? Sparrows, whom I love? Can I sell you the green trees Which hide the world from me? Can I sell you their heights? What with the continuous ascent of my Dreams, Hopes and Aspirations.. their heights don't seem anything to me anymore. Can I sell you my arrogance?
Will you buy the gloom that visits me? On those dark evenings? Will you hold the Blue Joy which stays here, always? Don't buy it. I need it. I'll buy Smiles from you. I need them all.
The words bring life to my thoughts. The music brings life to these words. And I think of selling off the unwanted part of my world to you. I have no use for broken ambitions, Wasted dreams and Slow paths. I need the Fire and I need Wind. I don't need You. I'll buy all that I need from you. And I'll sell off my unwanted world to you.
I won't sell Myself off. There's so much more to me than that. I'm full of Laughter and Love. I'm full of Sunshine and Hope. I'm full of Vigor and Clarity. But still I'll sell off those chinks in my armor.
I'll sell off the Smiles which don't make me happy any more. I'll sell off the Hugs which don't make me warm. I'll keep the frowns of those I love. I'll keep the blows of those I love.
Easy to wave off the Blue Sky Not easy to light a candle in the dark.. Can I sell you my worthless poetry? Can I sell you my incompetence? Incompetence, only if there is any. Can I sell you my arrogance again?
I'll sell off the Sunshine. Because I need to light my room.. It has been dark for long. I'll sell off the unimportant Moon. I need my Room to stay awake at night. Can I sell you my musings? Ones which make me stumble?
Can I sell you my wasted time? Can I sell you those wasted conversations? I'll buy your mind, I'll buy your travels. I need my mind, I need my travels. Can I sell you my Myopia? I need to build my Future.
Leaving on a Sail Boat, I'll buy the wind, I'll buy the Sails, My Will is the Rudder. Can I sell you my past? I don't need it. I have the bits I need. Rest, buy it off me.
Can I sell you the Road? Not the one I'm standing on. The one I built yesterday, for us. Now we have our own destinies. As she had rightly said- "Everyone is going to take their different paths some day.." Can I sell you the Road? Can I sell you the finer feelings? I don't need them any more..
It has been a rummy morning. ABBA kinda helped raise my spirits at dawn and then the rummy-ness seemed to ooze off. I did what I had to and here I am. Shitting alone.
Converting thoughts into words is helpful. Last night I sent a stream of texts to a close pal which helped me realize what the fuss is all about. Soliloquizing in this form makes it easier when all the matter which has been surging through the brain for ages gets converted into a few texts. Packets of words. Packets of sense.
The uneasiness is probably the result of stagnancy. The shortcoming mainly being that I fail to understand the essence of every relationship with every individual at the moment. Sometimes I fail to see what they expect and end up behaving like a chump. Sometimes they don't do things I expect from them and that makes me angry. And trust me- I'll give anything to get rid of the air between us if it's thick enough to cut with a knife/cutlass.
I feel myself bursting at seams, this morning, when I'm supposed to leave for college in an hour. When was the last time I felt this way? 4-5 months ago for sure. This is a hopeless feeling. A desperate feeling. I want to yell out loud.. bang the table with my fists.. punch holes through the walls.. just do something to let this cramped emotions go. AArrgghhh!!
Clarity on all fronts is desirable. One of the most sensitive frontiers being the one with personal ties and fog on this land is the last thing we all want. It's the only foggy area on my map. Yet Mongols didn't ride till Persia in a day. So Time is going to take me into confidence and slip me a few secrets of the rummy times today. Cause and Effect will be clear tomorrow. However, it must not mislead me at any point of time. If it shows me Poland, I should not end up in Portugal.
I know what the parental units will say on reading this post. They will think these are the signs of depression. Ha! But they won't know it comes and goes like the morning mist.. like infatuations.. and the feeling disappears into nothing soon after. Result of the Morning Sun or Repulsion.
Greatest of the things must come to an end and the crummiest too. So I announce the lack of time and I should not endeavor to go on writing about the whirl of thoughts still going on and on. Maybe I should get back to the morning tasks. Maybe I should step out into the world. Maybe I should get back to my cuppa which I've avoided for last 48 hours. The Passing of the Mist.
Interesting day it has been today and this being highly above expectations. The morning dawned gloomy and moreover it being 26/11… one year since Mumbai was attacked by a Pak-based terrorist group.
Interesting in what sense? I saw dear Parliamentarians creating a ruckus in the House. Honorable Speaker had to stand and make sure that all was peaceful again. She had to interfere when two veteran politicians failed to get each other’s point across. Whatever be their intentions… all those bunch of politicians love behaving like sulking teenagers for minor reasons.
The Leader of Opposition raised the issue of compensation in the House. He raised this issue on the First Anniversary of the horrifying terror attack. As Honorable Speaker said- today, 26/11, is a solemn day. As respect for martyrs’ souls, we should come together, cross political divides and show the nation that we all are Indians and United.
L.K. Advani had his own reasons for choosing this very day to open up the debate. BJP MPs had their own reasons to throw their opinions at Pranab Mukherjee. But is their no shame left in the government regarding this very issue? Out of 403 victims of the attack (Yes, Mr. Advani was kind enough to share the statistics), only 118 were given compensation by the Government! What has been the Home Ministry doing?!
Alright, let us say today IS a wrong day to argue in the Parliament. But this issue had to be raised some or the other day. No one questions the right of the Opposition to raise issues. Yes, maybe they were wrong to do this on 26/11. Maybe they were politicizing the issue or maybe they were not. But the Government, instead of deflecting these accusations, should make sure who is at fault. And undo the shameless lapse of duty.
It is funny how stuff goes on and it is funny how people think. Our State Home Minister, R. R. Patil, resigned from his chair after the terror attack, owing to his failure in taking necessary security precautions. Within a year, he is back in that very chair. It is laughable. How gargantuan can one be in being shameless? Yes, that IS the only word I’ve got for him at the moment.
Today is a solemn day, yes. Today is a day where we should show the world we are united. And today is a day where we should start making Change happen if that’s not happening already.
India is united. The controversies regarding regionalism and communal divide are paid but limited attention. It is painful that only terrorist attacks, condemning politicians and cricket matches are real proofs of our unity.
Leaving aside the manner in which the issue was raised, leaving aside the thoughts whether 26/11 was politicized again or not; I am with the fact that the issue of this seriousness was raised in the Parliament today. This is only because I hope that some steps will be taken by the Home Ministry in this direction.
So what if the day has to be 26/11? Let us pay homage to those souls by doing something instead of just debating, staying silent or praying.
Note: The post is neutral. No sides taken. Morality has to be mixed with everything so the issue. Please find the sarcasm. A smiley accompanies it. Thank you, :)
"Mama, take this badge off of me I can't use it anymore. It's gettin' dark, too dark for me to see I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.."
That's Dylan singing away from that squeaky little speaker. Rainy night, cold night, bright light inside me, wonderful people around me, nice strong tea in the red cup and those weird ideas which come and go like the rain. :)
Politics and Analogy: MNS Lawmakers turned Lawbreakers in the LA yesterday. They took the case of a SP MLA who loves making provocative statements against everyone and everything. This time the scuffle was over language and our elected representatives, in front of live television, came to blows and kicks. Impressive. :) "Some Create Trouble, Some Invite It - Times NOW Quote" Hooliganism is targeted. It is targeted very well by all the people. People who are good citizens and people who are not. Just because it is very easy to identify who is a hooligan and who is not. If a certain Ram Kadam (MNS MLA) is trying his best to beat the crap out of a certain Abu Azmi (SP MLA), a third person wont find difficulty in recognizing the source of all the commotion. Since it's that easy, we all enjoy making clear our opinions about the incident. We find it easy to see wolves around the farm but the wolves in sheep's clothing? Well, they join the population in pointing out the wolves. The people who keep themselves 'clean' and 'immune' are the most dangerous. Because those are the ones who rub shoulders with us, live among us and then stab us all in the back. Sweet. :)
AND the citizens who take pride in VOTING and their so-called OPINION (for the betterment of our sovereign secular socialist republic of India) should bear in mind that they have NO right to criticize ANY representative of the government if they are low on moral values. This includes attitude towards taxes, electricity, water and public property. I personally know people who say with pride that they 'have no moral issues' in cheating certain institutes of money for personal gains. 'No Moral Issue' at all? Students say this? What is the world coming to? And the same people have strong opinions on what is RIGHT and what is WRONG? Disgusting. And Revolting. :)
Wolves have no place in our society. Wolves in sheep's clothing should be kicked out too. And citizens should better know what's right and what's not.
About Politics: I wont say I'm well placed to know much on this but then, as a responsible 19 year old, I have my opinions which I'm not really afraid to voice. As I have seen till now, voicing my opinions helps me learn a lot. The thing called 'Rational Choice', which I understood today. Thank you, Mohsin. :) I had no idea that thing had a name and is actually studied by students across the world. Every damn issue raked up by Political parties just CANT be because they believe in it. And I had really believed that people understand this. How freaking wrong I was! Be it the cause of Marathi people or the Dalits or the OBCs (what the hell is that anyway?!) or the Minorities. Politicians bring it up to gain mileage, to bring themselves into the limelight. And we play their game when we pay them attention. Not that we shouldn't, but there's a way to do certain things.
I'll speak about Raj Thackrey and in the process, play his game. The guy felt sidelined in the Sena and he quit. He quit while making sure he has his supporters. Then he was out in the cold and joining another Party would NOT have given him that kind of power he wanted. So he floated his own party. MNS is born. Now what?
He takes up Sena issues and solves them his own way. He uses goons. Why? It's easy for media to target goons and their ways. Same applies to us responsible citizens. Using goons has spice in it. Raj targets students for recruitment and his Fiery speeches, excellent oratory skills, aggressive stance on many issues bring him a vast number of student supporters. He has the support of a young, desperate, brain-washed, Marathi Mumbai. Now what?
He tells everyone who would listen (All Of Us) that his MLAs would solve the issues in the LA by holding others by the scruff of their neck. An outspoken Abu Azmi sees his chance and takes pot-shots at the MNS. Awesome-ness. So the best way to get MNS in the news is to manhandle this SP-MLA the goon-way, in the LA, and not compromise on his stance at all. Raj does just that. Raj Thackrey does everything which shows MNS as a strong, aggressive party. He does everything to keep him in the news. He does everything to keep the focus off the ShivSena. Well, that's the only thing he wants, right? He does what he NEEDS to do to keep his party alive. To keep his mass following alive. The term, it is his 'Rational Choice'.
And we talk about him, talk about the flaws in his Marathi-Is-Great stance, talk about how he scared the sleep out of migrant workers, talk about how he is wrong, talk about how he is right and stuff. We talk about him. We don't ignore him. We can't ignore him because he IS NOT entertainment. That's it. He achieves what he wants. We give him what he wants. Let us understand how this shit works. And undo it.
Black Cloud "Mama, put my guns in the ground I can't shoot them anymore. That long black cloud is comin' down I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.."
Well yeah.. the rains, the music, the dreams, the thoughts, the experiences all fogging down the line of vision.. all fogging down the sense of thought.. all fogging down the Feel of Reality. I feel nostalgic, I feel romantic, I feel lazy and I feel energetic. I feel awake when I sit in the dark room, sipping a cuppa and feel the guitar strums just flowing through me and my thoughts.. aligning and re-aligning my thoughts. Or rather- Me.
And I get a well-defined high. I'm drunk on Life. And a glance outside, the rain feels damp, cold yet so alive and rejuvenating. It speaks. And the Black Cloud smiles. :)
In the mist of the Obvious A blink of an Eye. A spasm of Energy. Spurts of Red, wings sprout, Huge. Spine on Flames Fire of Glee Light of Mirth the Soul, the Body on a Flight of Ecstasy.
The Words flow through the wind The mist smiled upon They flow like Streams of Chocolate, of Wine, Captivating.
Height of plain fascination for the Sky is High, The mist is Low. The World thrives on its Mist I thrive on the Sunshine above. Spurts of Red, from Me, around Me, Wings take me to the heights unknown.
Alone. In the raw emptiness In the orgasmic freedom Alone and Thankful to be Alone.
New passion in the veins I wake up in the mist Mist speaks, I ignore, But I Smile.
Spurts of Red on the pages Speak of the World above Speak of Me. :)
Shadows play games on the walls I look upon the Light in the air Slow treble, Soft notes, Yet I see Black and I see White
I stand, unmoving and See I See what I want to See I see the Yin and I see the Yang The thread that holds them together Does but Exist. Grey? But I see Black and I see White
Eclipse Of the Moon, Of the Sun, One hides behind other Or the other triumphs? Of the Heart, Somewhere the Smile Stays but a Smile.
Hues of colors, Vibrant monotones Splashes, Streaks of Red and Blue But I see Black and I see White
White is mostly loved Black may be avoided But the Grey dust lives on.. Mute spectator of tired Eyes, Of the Rainbow in the sky. World speaks of Colors. World understands Shades. It sees All and Black and White
Take a glance again. Tilt your head, Smile.
Behold the Symphony! From you! Around you! Myriad Shades! Colors of Life! They eclipse your former self. :)
Night-time is a catalyst for the blues to creep in and possess you. A pal (RST) had once asked me, “Dude, do you face the blues?” And I had replied in the affirmative. Yes man, I face the blues. And I thrive in the blues.
Today I want to be frank. Every time I think of some specific topics, I tend to blanket the feelings just because I know what the right direction is. I tend to smother the emotions just because I know there is no place for those. Who decides there is space for what and not?!
There are times when I think whether I have the right approach when it comes to relationships. And since I am in none at the moment, I wonder whether I tend to close my self to the world around me. In the past, the girls I dated were my pals and I had known them for at least a year before. And funnily enough, I really fail to remember how exactly we ended up being together. Though I distinctly remember making special efforts to be a part of their life and I also remember them making similar kind of efforts. But how did we ‘start’ taking that extra step? I Cannot Recollect.
Love happens. It begins after the initial smiles and conversations. And guess it IS like coffee after all. Every brew gives you a new hit and not one mug tastes the same. Every time you brew new coffee, it is a new adventure. Repeat the procedure mechanically and all you get is bad coffee. A New Adventure. That is what Love is. That is what Making Love is. :P
Getting back to the silliness I am going through- I would like to unfold the many-layered issue. I unravel the Practicality, I unravel Sensibility And I unravel the Reality. Inside I get a raw and little part of me still in love. Madly in love. This I have blanketed with stuff not entirely wrong at all. And at the same time, there is a crazy wish that what really makes sense should not make sense at all! To hell with what the rest of me feels, to hell with what her practical self means, to hell with everything! :D
But it doesn’t work that way. And that crazy bit inside me, I smother again. Hoping it will die. Or maybe not. I Do Not Know.
Maybe this is like putting a lot of thought into seemingly unimportant things. Maybe this is known as applying loads of jelly on a single slice of bread. :)
The wheels started rolling when I got a text from a friend- "God created Adam-and-Eve NOT Adam-and-Steve.. hohohahaheehee" :| This surprised me. Many little things do, actually.
Homosexuality is a topic of healthy debate, one where even intellectuals are divided among themselves. When I had a chance to Edit a college magazine (The Wall), I was hoping to include an article on the same in English and Marathi section. Sadly, our college authorities had their way and we had to have none at all. Justification- "It may look as if college is promoting such activities.." No really, what activities?
I'll be frank- I can't accept this sexual orientation exists in nature. I can accept people being gay but somewhere inside, something will keep bugging me. And this will change as I grow up. I know for sure.
Homosexuality is neither a disease nor an abnormality. Those people are neither freaks nor weirdos. From the suspects around me- I find them extremely friendly, affable and helpful. But somehow they seem to be under the glare and are talked about.. not always in a good sense.
If we can accept a guy and a girl kissing, why can't we accept a same-sex couple doing the same? What exactly is wrong if we see two guys or two girls holding hands in public places? What is weird in all this? Do we have answers?
We have proof that homosexuality is very prevalent in animals. Famous personalities have been gay. Indian deity 'Shankar' has been shown as part-male and part-female. It is all about being aware of both sexualities in a being. You know what, we are all a bit gay. It is all about the percentage of being gay.
Experimentation has increased over the years and people these days are more aware and ready to explore their sexualities. Yet somewhere, the openness is absent. A certain India prefers to keep it wrapped up in a closet. A certain India fails to accept. A certain India does not mind while the rest does not care.
This post does not tie all the loose ends of the thread but just touches random topics in a discrete manner. I know it is an injustice to the same but then- I'm writing a blog post, not a book. Every topic deserves a couple of pages at least.
I'm waiting for the day when people won't cast a weird eye over a couple of very happy Adam and Steve. :)
I live in a nice locality full of nice, educated people. Friendly shop-keepers know everyone and we being especially old customers, take care that they stack everything we need. So we have stale breads, a single brand of ketchup, the dry dry-fruits and voila! LAYS is not available. This is because the nice shop-keepers are health conscious. Monosodium Glutamate, remember?
Being a nice locality full of nice people, I'm very proud of the roads. They resemble those of the moon, so moon-walking ain't a big deal for us. Sometimes, one of the street-lamps just decides to doze off and that patch of the pot-holed road is in the dark. So it becomes very romantic and safe.
All individual societies full of nice people take the duty of guarding their premises very seriously. So they build walls around their 'gardens' which boast of rare weeds and poisonous reptiles. They hire age-old watchmen or rather- veterans in the business of security. I feel the main reason behind this is the fact that brains are more important than brawn. After all- the robbers and the thieves would be afraid the experience these Security Guards must have had. So what if they are all above 60?! They can run fast or so the Society Chairmen believe!
Getting back to the friendly shop-keepers in our nice locality full of nice people, they have everything that can be made of brittle steel and brass. Be sure that the stainless steel sold to the nice people will rust. :) Vegetable-vendors buy the stuff weeks before selling it to us. And since the nice people buy it, there is no one to complain.
Why are all the people nice you ask? Because the children as young as Five can abuse extremely well in the area, 'Quality' is probably a word unheard of by any of the people here, they know Metro Junction as an awesome place full of good stuff and a Merc parked in that awesome mall can be broken into. This is because of the intimidating presence of the Veteran Watchmen. These nice people are divided into Four main political camps and they keep on urging you to vote to some particular civilized party. Imagine your nice neighbors asking you to vote for random people. Most of the youths have joined mainstream parties and have forgotten what 'Development' means.
Then there come the elections. New goons stand each time and they get elected too. And our nice life continues as it is with NO FRIGGING CHANGE.
All the nice people vote in my area. They say it is our duty as responsible citizens to vote. Yes dear folks, vote for goons and make India proud. Don't you see? You ACTUALLY GET TO CHOOSE from among the many goons present! :)
Useless, irresponsible citizens like me who don't vote are termed as lazy. Nice people say that we can register a Null Vote. No wait.. I'll quote- "Declare before the Officer that you ain't gonna vote!" Bwahahahaha! How is that gonna affect the system?!
But NO.. the officer is a nice guy. He will contact his superiors.. and they will maintain a count of people who registered a protest vote. This will go the much higher level. Then a committee will be formed to look into the matter. Then the next time, if a goon stands for election again, he will be barred. Wow! And the committee will find a Responsible, Nice, Educated candidate, right? Right? :)
No one will enter politics. Everyone will either cast a protest vote or cast a Responsible vote. And then go around telling people off for not voting. Politics is not for people like us. We can do MBAs and be good leaders but politics is a no-no. So what do we do? We VOTE and be a good citizen. What makes a good citizen?
What makes a good citizen? Only voting, right? It does not matter that we pay our taxes on time, we don't cheat the government by tampering with the electric meters, we always buy tickets, we save water, we save electricity, we don't encourage corruption, we don't litter, we don't keep our feet on the seats in the train.. It DOES NOT matter as long as we VOTE.
Because VOTING for a goon is much much better than being a good human. So vote for people who don't deserve to be there and be a responsible citizen. DO YOUR DUTY TO INDIA and vote. And live happily in your nice neighborhood with all the nice people. :)
