Existence People change over time. So do we. I changed and certain books helped me. 'The Tao of Physics' by Fritjof Capra 'Man's Search For Meaning' by Viktor E. Frankl 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera 'Children of the Matrix' by David Icke .. and many many more.
I'll put bullets to their most efficient use because that makes it very easy to read and digest what we write. The very concept of 'writing' and 'posts' and 'books' exists because we believe in it. We believe that it's one of the most effective ways of communication. For now, I believe too. I believe that bullets are good to put those points down. Bullets, so they go!
What has boosted me to write this post?
- A certain tension between two parts of my mind. This is necessary to motivate, to think, to exist meaningfully. When a certain tension is created, it enables us to travel from point to another. We strive to be somewhere else, to reach somewhere else from the point on which we currently stand.
- Search for meaning. I've increasingly started seeing the bigger picture of every single happening in my life. There is a meaning behind my happiness, behind my suffering and behind all the relations with people around me. This is rather like the justification I'll make to understand the box in which I live but then, I'll touch that point later.
- Strength and Stability, of mind. I write to think and know. I publish to see what individuals around me have to say. That helps me think more and know more. :)
Our Perception of Reality
I love this. I really do. Now tell me, what is real and what is not? We feel and we see and voila! We hear. All this in the small frequency range that we exist in. We cannot see most of the radiations, we cannot hear most of the sounds and same goes with feeling things.
Go into any random apartment. Make sure that the outermost walls of the apartment reflect radio-waves and the inner walls don't. The inner walls can reflect only those radiations in the visible range. When your eyes 'see' the visible frequencies only, you see the apartment with all its rooms and passageways. Now tune in to the radio frequency. All you can perceive are the outside walls.
Perception of Reality changes with You. Change the way you see things, everything changes. Change the way you think and the box widens.
As Dr.Frankl puts it- "Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it." When we detach ourselves from our own lives, its sufferings and its material joys; we can understand what is really going on. It is not being cold, not being distant, it is purely understanding the situation and where it stands. Efforts should be made to form a 'clear and precise picture' of it.
"Nothing would be what it is, Because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" (Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)
We change. We change the world around us. Because the world is merely a reflection of ourselves. Our world is our perception of reality. And it is always going to stay that way.
Search For Meaning All Around You
Well, yeah. Otherwise stay clueless! Whine about stuff! Blame the unknown! Everything has a meaning. No book claims this, no hidden secret scroll will tell you this. You see? We tend to believe in secret scrolls, ancient wisdom purely because it was written ages ago by supposedly learned men. We don't believe because we understand the meaning behind it. We believe because the population believes. If one points in the other direction, he is beaten down, discouraged.
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man’s brow." (Charles Brower)
"Sed omnia praeclara tam difficilia quam rara sunt" (but everything great is just as difficult to realize as it is rare to find)" ('Ethics' by Spinoza)
The World Is Flat Sun revolves Around the Earth All these were accepted as universal truths at a time. Can you imagine the courage required to raise a voice against it?
The basic essence of every thought provoking theory is the search for meaning around us. During this search, we ask questions. And then as we get the answers, we understand and we grow.
We don't look for meaning because we have to. There is no such thing as the mankind being brought into this world to fulfill its frigging destiny and stuff. Well rather, we don't know. But our existence, every existence, simply is. And that brings into the picture, a certain task. Our life is filled with numerous tasks. Some frivolous, some important and some basic. In every task, you get from somewhere to somewhere. A goal, for the time-being. "I need to empty that coffee mug." "I need to give that test niiicely." "I need to give that guy/girl a tight hug." "I need to beat the crap out of him/her." :P See? A goal, for the time-being. And that goal ends up being the meaning of that momentary existence. That momentary existence is a fabric. Stitch the many fabrics together and we have a quilt called 'Life'.
When we live and go through joys and sufferings, and we don't think "Why?", we live in a vacuum. We just go through the river of time like a log and die someday. No questions asked. No eyebrows raised. A zombie life and a zombie death.
As The Verve frontman sings- "'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life Trying to make ends meet You're a slave to money then you die"
Well, it's not! Not when you know why you're doing certain things. Not when you know the meaning behind your actions.
When we try understand the meaning behind everything, we become positively detached. That enables us to find a solution wisely. That enables us to react in a better way. The suffering suddenly stops being a suffering and becomes just an experience! And we grow as individuals, instead of getting stuck in the rut.
Hardwired Optimism
I had read somewhere that if you hard wire yourself as an optimist or a pessimist, and if you are thrown in any shocking situation; you reel under the shock but ultimately churn out products according to your system. An Optimist will show all symptoms of shock but in the end, simply come out grinning wide. How come? Because he has wired his system that way! I'll touch Psychosomatic Disorders in some other post.
"Live Free, or Die!"
Let us all live wisely and well. Let us all realize that our lives are parallel. Beyond a certain limit, each one of us is free! Free of emotional ties and social responsibilities.
As Shikhar put it- "Every hurdle is a launchpad." Easier said than done? Rather- easier done than said. Simply believe and it is done already.
Suffering has a meaning. Problems exist to be solved. Accepting problems to be problems is itself a huge problem! Finding a way around every 'hurdle' is recommended.
We are free. Free to Live. Hard wire yourself to be Optimistic. :)
Been a long time since these fingers typed out something that is not poetry, texts, status updates and project work. Feels good to have my mug of coffee next to me again. Feels good to sit in an air conditioned room and type randomly to my heart's content. Feels good to have Lounge Piranha's first album in my ears. And Pink Floyd. These bands give me wings.
"Sometimes the sky falls down on me Sometimes, the wind, it sets me free Sometimes I feel the urgency Sometimes I stare in this belief.. Wish I had a gun." (Gun Song - Lounge Piranha)
The fixation with the gun and the sheer force of that little bullet coming out on pressing the trigger is understandable. We humans bow to the greater powers and are instantly intrigued by the unknown. The lesser forces? Those are to be tamed, defeated, crushed beneath the sole or simply dubbed irrelevant. That's the way we are. That's the way we have been brought up.
A gun has the power to wipe the smile off our lips, it has the power to send lead crashing through our strongest bones and hallelujah! We worship this brute force. We hold it in awe. We revere it. We are scared of it. Because it showcases power, of one mortal over others.
The man who holds the gun, rules the proceedings. Why? Because he can kill. We are scared. Fear for our lives is resident. What is our life made of? That's a different matter altogether!
If we have a gun, we are supposed to shoot it. A gun is more of an idea. If we believe that the gun we are holding is enough to scare people, we use it to scare people. If we consider it too inadequate a weapon, the gun we are holding is chucked away and a dash for safety is witnessed. Or even perhaps feigned ignorance.
If we have a gun, we are supposed to shoot it. Hold a gun in your hand. You might feel the potential energy filled up in the spring under that metal. The coiled up powerful spring, ready to uncoil at the slightest command, willing to unleash (or rather- push) a bullet. Anticlimax? Kinda. I'll get back to it later. So, when one holds the gun, one might understand the sleeping power it holds. Just like a human mind (that's aware) which holds a large amount of potential energy. When we are not able to do what our mind wills, we can see a substitute in a gun. Only in the sense that it's is ever willing to do what it's built to do. Our mind often cannot be mastered by us, unlike the gun. So we use the gun. We 'use' it. Like a powerful man uses his subordinates to do his work. Sadly, the gun set to work usually kills.
If we have a gun, we are supposed to shoot it. Pulling the trigger releases the bullet. That little lump of metal is useless without the speed. Speed of a bullet is lethal. It's shape, you say? That only makes its speed better. Without its speed, a bullet is harmless. Anticlimax. So a 'speeding bullet' is something, a 'bullet' is not. What is speed but the delivery of the bullet. If you have an idea, all that matters is how you deliver it to people. If you have a speech to make, all that matters is how you deliver it. If you have food to serve, all that matters is how you deliver (serve) it.
If we have a gun, we are supposed to shoot it. Like I said earlier, a gun is an idea. A belief that it is dangerous. A bullet is an idea. A belief that it's speed is dangerous. And even if we directly compare a bullet to an idea, a gun to your head; it all fits. Nicely. No headache with this jigsaw, no sir.
An idea can kill people. What are people but belief systems trapped in live bodies? A person is what he believes in. A person exists as long as he believes in existence. An individual is an individual because the configuration of his belief system is unique.
So when I say an idea can kill people, I mean to say that a perfectly launched idea can destroy shaky belief systems. A bullet, which knows its target well, never fails. Similarly, if an idea (belief) is strong and without doubt, it is invincible. If this idea (belief) is put against ambiguous belief systems, they stand no chance. Because "they are never too sure", while this little belief is self-sufficient and sure of itself. Since it believes in itself, it stands strong.
Can we label this killer idea as righteous? One can argue that since the Self believes it is right, it can be labeled righteous. But then- why play poker with the concept of polarity? All the decisions that we take are apt during one situation while problematic during some other. No polarity. So the idea is invincible purely because it believes in itself, not because it is 'the right thing to do'. A single idea that believes in itself can shatter those beliefs in denial, those beliefs who lead an illusory existence or even those beliefs that build false constructions. Just like a single bullet that can go through the head of the most headstrong person there is!
I did not use the words 'completely sure' and 'completely believes' because it makes no sense. Either you are sure or you are not. Either you believe or you do not. Either you stand in the sun or you do not. There are no shades in these cases, unless ambiguity is your way of life. And this is not polarity since believing or not believing is neither positive nor negative. It simply is, an individual's choice.
Your hesitant hand and enemy's bullet in your head We all have read countless number of times in various books that once you start doubting anything, you are creating a favorable environment for those doubts to materialize. If we stop believing, we make our idea weak. This idea (belief) stands no chance even against the shaky belief systems. Just like if we have a hesitant hand over the trigger, the enemy's bullet reaches our head first. And we die. The idea is shattered, once and for all. Even before the delivery could take place.
"Just pop off a few rounds!" Our mind does not like the box it lives in. Mainly because it is often, knowingly or unknowingly, made to stay in that box. So it tries to break it open, do what it wants to do and simply unwind. It more or less fails and the result we get is a stressed individual. As in 'American Beauty', this stressed individual will 'use' a gun which is able to do what his mind can not. This stressed individual will 'use' a gun to relieve him of his stress instead of freeing his mind. The vain satisfaction.
Popping off a few rounds is the very thing to do, in fact. Just that- those bullets should be 'beliefs', coming out of a mind that we are calling a 'gun'. These bullets should shatter the non-existent walls we have built around ourselves. And then we may know what freedom is. Freedom is doing what we like, when we like without imposing our will on others. Debates and healthy arguments is not imposing one's will on others. That's where shattering of belief systems comes in.
If you have a gun, shoot it off. That one bright idea and a strong belief means a lot. Stuffing it down, blanketing it, doubting it makes no sense. You wish you had a gun? "Well you have one in your pocket!" Your soul's pocket, that is. Shoot! Now!
My Spirit, so free My Spirit, so passionate My Spirit, so light So light indeed So intensely pleasurable That intense unbearable pleasure
On those journeys We make together In the great endlessness, We travel with different winds. Together, yet different winds One direction, Oneness inside, Yet parallel winds
Her speech is not poetry And neither will it ever be And it doesn’t matter For the wind is never too high Never too low
But her actions are poetry And that is something, That is something indeed! The way she blinks her eyes The way she kisses And the way she moves That is poetry! Oneness experienced Like the oneness of wind Oneness of Literature
The wind is never too high It is always high enough To rule the sky To intimidate the high flier To challenge that one seagull To challenge that one eagle To claim the heights
The wind is never too low It is always low enough To breathe in the life To move the silt To push the mountains To brush aside the dirt Of the ignorant Of the stagnant
Wind is always loved Whether high or low For it plays its part well And is free
My Spirit is the Wind Utterly Light It should not be so? I disagree.
That string of poetry Binds me to the earth Earth is alive And so is she She makes my Spirit heavy Keeps it closer to the earth It should not be so? I disagree.
I therefore exist In both the spheres
Sometimes, with her but all alone, Soaring through the heights On my wind A solitary flight Unimaginable ecstasy On my wind
Sometimes I make love To the earth To her To her words Heavy Satisfied Drunk on the earthiness On the damp feel
It is all a sphere Nothing good, nothing bad Everything merges into goodwill.
Though my Spirit tries hard To escape into the skies Love keeps it among others Such lightness Is unbearable indeed :)
Bubble of polarity That is what we live in. Dagger stabbed Dagger twisted Our smile remains all the same Trapped in invisible walls Laws written as per the assumed horizons Belief in words, in paper and opinions, Belief in symbols that form one side of the cube The rest of the sides? Bullshit, right? Bullshit is You.
War begun, War ended, Videos showing conspiracies Videos showing counter-conspiracies, Books written by the Conquerors, Squeals of the Defeated from below the sole Strong opinions, Strong criticism Strong control over the mind Channeled Thoughts Robotized Movement Control and Total Control The Spirit is Bullshit, right? Bullshit is You.
World looks through its lenses Individual eyes with individual lenses Individual minds with individual perceptions Individuality so grossly underestimated Individuality so grossly ignored When one’s world always revolves around oneself And one’s world is always one’s perspective Can there be labels? At all? Bullshit again? Bullshit is You.
What is money but an understood value? What is love but an understood emotion? What is gold but an accepted rarity? What is a mind but an accepted mystery? What is soul but an underestimated light? What is religion but a misunderstood knowledge? What is the Spirit but an absolute truth? What is Bullshit but a label by the ignorant? What is Poetry but the means of the exasperated? What is a Human but a being who can get exasperated?
What is a Question but an answer in itself? What came first, the chicken or the egg? Or the mind that asked?
I taste the air Child of the High Winds I smell the rawness around Air, reeks of freedom My insides, raw from the wrench The pull, greater and violent I taste the air. Lover of the High Winds
I fly amongst the clouds She catches up too The spirits make love For eyes are too busy Loving each other And lips are curved Into warmest smiles. Lovers of the High Winds
Standing high above I taste the flavor I breathe in the fumes I paint the landscape I count down the time. Two Seconds My life can end. Two Seconds My life can begin again.
I taste the air For the first time Since I closed the doors And stood out Against the illusory walls.
One step on the solid air For the Air, I build. Child of the High Winds :)
The night is still young The wind is still free I make love to the very desire But Mars is bright tonight.
The warmth of the clasp. The warmth of her breath. So close to my heart, So close to me, But like the Tree and the Mist, We think not of the Day.
Up there in the sky The moon nestles among the clouds She points it out I see and smile And we both see Mars It's unusually bright tonight.
Up there in the sky Mars shines bright tonight Red, like the unseen future Red, like the unspoken passion Red, like the wild hope and belief Red, like a single glistening tear I see Hope and Belief in it. It's dark, I can't read her eyes, But her hands hold me tighter.
I cannot read her eyes tonight I cannot read her mind. The words are but a jumble But the laugh, a merry rivulet. I know her warmth, I feel her warmth, Red, like a kiss. Red, like Mars. Mars shines bright tonight. :)
Something about the way The world reads into an Orgasm. Tying it with earthly bonds, when it is actually a moment of unreal peace.
Is the mysticism in the way you dance? Or is it in the movement, when you move like the breeze? The dance of two souls Together, in a union, Inseparable, the rhythm, Of pure pleasure, Of spirit, of mind.
Bodies are made of earth. Minds, of light. Pure, white light. An Orgasm is a journey Into this light.
Shun the worthless poetry, Ridicule the Free Poet. But inside you, You know of what I speak.
It is not about actions anymore, It is about thoughts. Whirls of colors, Language, only eyes can speak. Language, only eyes can understand. And the lips curve into a smile.
A beautiful smile, An acceptance. And the air isolates Two souls in love. Air between them But cannot separate them In spirit.
A beautiful smile. An acceptance. No words exchanged. Wind speaks of colors Of passion and understanding.
The next level is just a journey. A high, experienced by the Consciousness.
In a world where only two souls exist, the brightest light from the brightest sun is the purest form of Vision. When both see, See through each other. Masks, clothes lie forgotten. Naked, by mind.
And a single note is now a symphony. A Carnival of deepest confidence.
And it's dawn. The world is back to haunt. They were, but for a moment, living in themselves. Bounded to each other in an Orgasm. :)
The world is all Blue because we look at it through a Blue window. Parting the curtains, Across the window-sill, Ignoring all that lies between us and the window. The window is Blue, So is the room, And so are we. That makes the world all Blue.
Let us ponder over the sanctity of our Blue surroundings. What makes it Blue? Blue thoughts, Blue visitors, Blue stick-ons and Blue memories. If it's got a Blue past And if that's the color we like, it's Blue for life.
Say, something changes me, Makes me a new man, Overnight. A woman, perhaps. Or a well-placed comment. Or just a drink with a stranger, A wise stranger. And I fall for Red.
So the conversations in my room are all splashes of Red. Red streaks, Red blots, Spurts of Red laughter, Waves of warm Red smiles. It is a Red room.
And the cold wind is now blood Red. The sun shines Scarlet. I share a Red coffee with my beloved And couples kiss under a Red moon.
My future might all be Purple like my childhood was a sunny Yellow. The healed scars speak of a Blue past. The present is alive in Red.
And I look at my Red world through a Red window. :)
"Such a lonely day And it's mine The most loneliest day in my life.."
Theory: And I decided never to put on 'System Of A Down' again on such days. Basically, the 'lonely days' are all in your head. Plus these bands making a quick buck on writing songs on this rummy mood! Glorifying the non-existent shit. So what if the song is good music? It makes you more depressed and that too for no reason at all. Laugh people, laugh! Ho ho ho!
Today is the last day of 2009. And it has been one of the most restless days. hahaha! Start of another, typical depressed post? Not really. Let's call it a monologue. I know it's a post and I'm gonna tag those select pals who read what I write.. but this is a monologue. A reflection of what I'm feeling today. I'm writing this for me and I know that this is going to help me understand myself more! :)
First Things First Fellow Traveler, Saumya Pant, I thank thee for those little conversations we've had on the subject. The reasons we both feel a bit lonely are more or less the same. Still, a bit different in their very essence because we lead two different lives. Duh. :)
Loneliness, for me, is self-inflicted. :P I don't receive half the calls I get on my cellphone purely because I know I ain't capable to have a telephonic conversation. Low self-esteem? Nah, simply my mood-swings. And if I can't talk on the phone, why waste the dear person's time by receiving the call? Also, I'm engrossed in work at times and that's my usual excuse. I apologize to Deepali, Akanksha, Sayali, Sid, Kaustubh, Ishan and RST for the same. But I know you guys will understand my bad stuff. :) I love you fellas but really, honestly prefer texts to phone-calls.
I happened to read that Archers (Zodiac) prefer a certain distance even from people who are closest to them. But that is no real excuse. Even if it is in every Archer's nature, this behavior is not commendable. Fight the demons, sonny boy! :P
So with half the phone calls gone, the day becomes emptier. Totally hacking my leg with the axe I'm holding. Then I tend to think a lot and read into actions a bit more than necessary. I assess even what my acquaintances mean by their certain words. This often goes overboard when I'm having the Blues. And I sink... sink into the depressed feeling. It Sucks. Period.
"But if there is no Carthage and there is no Rome, where's the conflict? There are no naked Celts too!" Are you asking me this rummy question? Well the conflict is in my head! On one hand, I want to keep my distance even from the Family members. Then I sit in the corner, sipping chocolate/coffee/tea wishing for the crowd. The phone rings, I ignore it and I keep wishing for conversations. STUPID!!
I long for stimulation. Don't you dare get ideas- I long for 'mental' stimulation. The brain had had lots of exercise when I was with the Masons. It has exercise during those couple of hours with Rinkal or during those 4-6 hours with Ruta-Andre. Then it slumps. I miss the constant company of good people. Or rather- good brains. :)
I have wonderful people around me and am getting to know more of them. I travel, roam around the city, have good food at various places, spend money as if it's made of paper (which, I observe, it indeed is), laugh out loud, know interesting people, have pals who love me, have pals whom I love, have Family which loves me, got everything fixed up at my place.. pretty much of everything I can wish for except satisfactory academics. So if I leave the last bit out, I live a pretty cheerful life. :)
So the Blues have no place in my mind. It is an illusion. The solution? Sip cold cocoa, listen to some peppy Muzak (plastic bubblegum songs and Hip-Hop work best!) and smile. Remember some best jokes and laugh out loud! See the sunshine in your world and the Sunshine finds you! And then everything seems very very awesome.
Frankly, I don't expect you to 'like' this note because it is just an entry in the diary. A public diary.. :) But still. And the post rambles off as the thoughts in my Cranium ramble off. Distinctly weird. And now this reminds me of the times when I have coffee/tea at night. I get elated, am on this undefined high, and usually send texts or call up people. In the morning, I end up regretting it. :P The texts sent last night seem childish or mushy. Like the status messages say- In the heat of the moment, Shit Happens.
Conclusion: Conflicts are stupid but they exist. So we have the choice of being on either side. I choose kicking the Blues away. So I listen to The Beat-les, share a drink called Loneliness with the Piano-man Bill and laugh the night away.
Have a wonderful 2010. :)
"Come up and feel the sun A new morning has begun Another day will make it clear Why your stars should guide us here.." (Dire Straits)
Existence
