(This article merely states the futility of the subject under consideration. You call it absurd or confused... but it is what it is)
Let us get practical when it gets to emotions.
What do we expect from relationships?
Satisfaction :)
When do the equations between two satisfied individuals start changing?
It happens when they stand on two different platforms and (attempt to) communicate on different wavelengths.
That is all to it.
Growing independence has given rise to 'Spheres of Individuality' around each person.
It speaks of our choices, our expectations, our changing perceptions and fluidity of life on the whole.
We find a person who can gel well with this specific sphere... that is, both persons find their respective spheres to be gelling together. :P
And we start going out hoping (at that moment) to let it stay as it is forever.
Yet we don't hesitate to break it up whenever we feel the relationship has lost its spark.
Successful women look for successful men and vice versa.
Anything wrong in it?
I think not. :)
Relationship is a responsibility and so is self-evolution.
When one person grows (maybe mentally or professionally) and expects other to grow in the same manner... and the other fails him/her... problems start creeping in.
Emotions seem to muddle it all up but when we look at the whole thing from 'above', it is just a companionship between two 'individuals'. (Boy do I love that word!)
Call it 'Marriage' or call it 'Live-In'. It really makes no difference.
When the relationship is dying, no label can save it.
Recently a TOI article found its way in front of my eyes... it echoed the truth.
Young teenagers having multiple relationships before becoming adults.
Thus having heart-breaks and complex emotional problems at a tender age.
In the end, the whole attitude towards the act of 'being with someone' changes.
Heart-breaks become less painful, they become numb towards the feeling of 'belonging to someone' and tendency shown by the better half is labeled as 'possessiveness'.
What is this exactly?
- It can be termed as Independence and being Self-Sufficient when it comes to emotions and life.
- It can be termed as being Self-Centered and a refusal to adjust to make oneself compatible to someone with whom we share a mutual feeling of love.
- It encourages Individuality. Like Ayn Rand always portrays her leading lady sleeping with multiple men and loving them all in a different manner. What she means to say is- A Human Belongs To No One But Himself.
Or should the sense of belonging be as long as we love the person?
Then if love can change at will... any time... as and when the human changes in his/her life...
Is everything really this temporary?!
Sometimes we are not sure whether we love the current person in our life.
We make it easier for our confused mind as merely stating aloud that it is an indecision between two words - 'love' and 'infatuation'.
We tend to miss our Ex (again probably misunderstanding the affection) and then probably we regret messing it all up.
Whatever maybe the case... we should be aware of our maturity regarding the whole manner.
Infatuation and Love are two emotions which can be easily segregated from each other.
Understanding that is of utmost importance.
Choose anyone we want and stay happy.
Be sure of what we want.
Never move on from the place where we want to stay.
If we move on or at least attempt to- never take a U-Turn. :)
There is nothing like-
"We should move on even though there is love"
"I can't move on because that will mean hurting him/her"
Moving on after falling out of love can be as easy as unraveling some discolored string from a thorny branch.
We belong to no-one unless we commit.
But again- commitment dies with love.
Everything is this temporary.
:)
Say- we are married and living with the person we now love.
We travel, meet new people and can get attracted to someone with something we had accepted our current better half without.
What of the attraction we now feel?
Can be stated merely as an 'infatuation'?
Or shall we go ahead with it since he/she could just be the One we were looking for...?
Is it not right calling an engagement/marriage off because we believe we have found someone better?
So what if that may not be the case?
What if it is the case?
Is staying behind and get married to person we are engaged to or stay with the person you're already married to called 'Maturity with regards to relationships'?
In this age of practicality, can we really submit to emotions called 'love' without thinking of its consequences? Or should we always keep moving on with the flow?
Won't there always be a case of meeting someone more attractive than the one we are with at the moment?
Or the love we feel will surely refrain us from this temptation of going out with this new person?
What my abstract sentences (which seem to be swirling around even in my head) want to get down to is- *sigh of relief*
- What are the changing equations of love for the youth these days?
- How do we define the love which holds together the relationships made by choice?
- If we are this practical, will we ever be able to grab hold of the right Yin/Yang?
- Or are we really alone on this path and have to keep changing companions as we evolve while advancing step-by-step?
I'm out of a relationship by mutual choice.
Neither of us are sure whether we should get back together or not.
Both us are getting attracted to new people in our fluid lives.
And I have decided to make myself fiercely free with regards to emotional ties.
I'll swim with the flow... as stated earlier-
I'm comfortably numb about the entire thing and the break-up was almost painless.
Equations are changing... and so should we.
Weird though... and sad.
now what a post sushrut!!:)
ReplyDeletewell,here i hv a question4u & i kinda hv ths habit of pickn up d thread frm middle & confusn d issue..
u talked abt movn on/breakn up w/o hesitation..
its d 'Goodbyes' m concerned abt!
d prob. wd goodbyes is dey strt by being reily diff!
d 1st heartbrk..falling out wd each odr process,its all sooo diff.!thz 1st few goodbyez rly tk a lot out f u!
v do so wd grt diff. bt as v grw oldr, v sacrifice 1 reltnshp aftr anodr;
NOTE:process f sayn g.bye bcms incrsngly easy!
d mor d gudbyes d mor confident v get tht v can live alone..?!!
wait..here's dichotomy-
wen v say gudbye wd ease,means v can lv alone bt does tht nt mk us a lil mor arrogant evrytym v do?
it mks us in sm way uncompromisin',stubborn,egotistic.
so it kinda takes away r ability to NURTURE r RELATIONSHIPS!
probably,thts 1 reasn y smthn new is so attractiv thn d current,
d new crush or d infatuation 4 tht matter..coz v r UNWILLING 2change or rathr 2accept d change
and y?!wen its so easy to move on..and easier evry tym v do..!:)
What ho! Just what I wanted to say but couldn't really put it in apt words.. :)
ReplyDeleteYes I agree. Wholeheartedly. And it is sad..
I always think abt the words,"first crush"!It's named 'first' considering that there'd be some 2nd...3rd...etc...
ReplyDeleteThe reality is,a relationship is never an 'etc'...Everyone,everyone we meet has a space in our life,whoever it is...Even a friend in a summercamp,that you dont even remember by name...If some1 decides to remove the person from every frame in his/her life;there'd always be a blank space,a gap for the person removed.Nobody can replace that place,Sushrut,Nobody.You can always claim to have forgotten ur Ex..But Do you,can you?Relationships are not "equations"...They're more meaningful,hence more complex.
Being attracted is easy,boy,loving someone,that needs time...Even one's opinion abt oneself is never stable,how can you expect relatonships to be...Today I like myself,I may figure out one of my weaknesses the other day.Does that mean I start hating myself:no,I do accept.Letting one change is what should Relationships offer and afford.That can toughen the bonds.
Woah woah Triveni. You're holding the wrong end of the stick!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing about hating and forgetting people.
I'm simply shaking the foundations of the emotion we call 'love'.
U've written it doesn't hurt to end it all.I'm thinking can it possibly be true?
ReplyDeleteYes.. after a couple of break-ups. And it can't be achieved by hating a person.. nor by forgetting anyone.
ReplyDeleteGotta go.. Gnite. :)
Well I'm too inexperienced to say anything about this,
ReplyDeleteBut I just want to hold onto one thing..
"A Man is a Social Being" :
is known by you as well as me.
It is thus sad to know that breaking-up is getting more easier.
If you do this, then it just Stresses one thing:
That one indulges in a Relationship with just some expectations from his/her counterpart. There's no "Love" to be found.
Why Expectations when you say that "Love" your better-half?
Or Might it be just a case of Attraction?
And if its just a case of attraction, then its not of worth stating that I love you.
Not even worth indulging in relationships.
Is this just some need that drives into bonding?
And if it is, you dont need to indulge in a relationship.
When one bonds the other one with each other, the basic motivation for it is, that fellow needs to fulfil his/her Emotional Hunger.
And there's a time in life (ie Teenage) when just-no-one-can-understand-your-emotions.
Not even the friends of your same gender.
The only person to understand them is the One you've started falling for.
That's her/him.
Anyways, you've struck a Great topic there.
;)
Hope I didn't prove too much of an immature guy.
;)
Hey chill Soham. You ain't immature.
ReplyDeleteExpectations come in all relationships. Call it love, call it infatuation or even friendship.
Why indulge in relationships?
Because there is no reason actually.. just because we want to be with the person we love for who he/she is at that moment.
Sad thing- we get turned off when he/she changes the way we don't expect him/her to. And that drives us into the cycle..
The Crazy Co-Ed Sneha deleted her comment for some incomprehensible reason. She had struck the poor nail on the head:
"It is time to move on when it takes more effort to maintain a relationship than to be in it."
And again- that makes it all really temporary and sad.. and we hesitate more and more before going into the depths of emotions for any human being.
I believe every happy couple is really lucky. :)
:) Sneha would like to add her comment again-
ReplyDeleteThere's too much brain put into matters that hardly need any. By hear-say mostly, most of us have almost formidable, yet romantic, enigmatic ideas about relationships...When actually the whole point of being in one is to simplify the otherwise muddled life. ONE fact and you sail through(ya I am 80 and this is my 3rd reincarnation, so listen to me kids)-The day maintaining a relationship becomes more important than the relationship itself, I would say, is the time to leave. Also, what better than being able to say bye-bye easily. Man it's the best part of the deal, the acid test for your willingness to be in alliance.If you want to, it is easy. if it is not, you dont want to. Then you simply dont SAY goodbye, you fight. And if you are worth your salt, you win. if you don't, you didn't deserve to. it's so beautiful, the simplicity of all this.where's the math?
:)thnks..hopin' it reduced ur level of confusion ;):)
ReplyDeleteNo.. did nothing of the kind.
ReplyDeleteYou merely made statements on a single point. :P
What kind of confusion did you see in the write-up?
@sum places in ur post,confusion showd up,wen u wer talkn abt being practical and being in love,@ d same tym:)
ReplyDeletei was a li'l confused on ur take abt it,
tho in my previous comment(kinda a mini-post):) i talked abt goodbyes..yet i don't believe in as ppl say...its "not workn-out nymor' phase..so tk a brk-up" so convenient eh???!!!
as i look @ it, if its nt wrkn @d
1st place,presto,der u deal wd it rathr thn choosn d easy way out,
if v choose d convenience ovr it,which is mor oftn thn not d case,
thn sadly,derz nothn tht can b dn abt it!!
coz 'goodbye' as i see,is a powerful tool, & wat one forgets is tht wid 'power.comes the responsibility!'
Dude ur a rockstar ....
ReplyDeletegr8 post
i completely agree... keep up d good work....
Thank you Nikhil.. ;) Hope you doing good..
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteur writing shows that u have learned a lot from ur previous relationships.
Kudos for writing post on such a mature subject.
:)
well...i suppose im a bit(or shall i say,byte) of an outsider here..yet i'll venture to comment...I have gone through a heart ache and have been facing this confusion phase for a really long time...i still go through it sometimes....But you know what,it all boils down to a few simple things..life is full of changing circumstances..plus,we evolve with each passing minute...and so does the person you were/are dating/were/are in love with...the problem is,,this evolution doesnt necessarily take place at the same rate or in the same context for both the people...and thats when the problems start creeping in..and more often than not,one of the parties involved loses patience and the will to want to make it work despite the differences..and that party might well be right in his/her decision concerning parting ways..nobody can judge who is right and who isn't..there's so much we dont understand..only time teaches us about our own lacunae..what we can do is to stick to what we feel is good and right..introspect,accept your faults,improve..then you don't have to 'think' about moving on..it comes naturally,painlessly..forget if ur ex was justified or not..just look forward to improve your own self..may be the whole fault was yours..and may be not..why waste time judging when there are a hundred more things just as beautiful(if not more) out there..
ReplyDeleteSeems like i am writing this for myself and i might have deviated from your main point..but hope you find something useful in this..All i am trying to say is this that life isn't all that complex..it seems complex because we modern humans dont accept our mistakes easily.Instead of doing something about them,we go on pouring our hearts out and raking our brains looking out for some lame justification of our own weaknesses..Patience is a great gift to have..coz Time is a wonderful teacher..
reading to d post followed by many comments lined up i jus wonder no one raised d point of being human
ReplyDeleteeveryone talked about evrythng goodbyes,commitment,expectations n blah blah
but dont u thnk tht this attitude is making us more n more less human
its this commitment this feeling of being wid someone u love always tht separates us from ne four footed beast
ppl pls thnk over it
its such a gr8 feeling to b wid one forever wid one u r sure will b always there 4 u
i knw its hard to find sm one like tht
ReplyDeletebut i dnt this attitude will help finding out such a person made only for u
ur soul mate may not b a perfect match but he/she wud certainly complete u in all sense so jus give ur relationship d understnding mind it needs
m sure u will find d right person