It has been a rummy morning. ABBA kinda helped raise my spirits at dawn and then the rummy-ness seemed to ooze off. I did what I had to and here I am. Shitting alone.
Converting thoughts into words is helpful. Last night I sent a stream of texts to a close pal which helped me realize what the fuss is all about. Soliloquizing in this form makes it easier when all the matter which has been surging through the brain for ages gets converted into a few texts.
Packets of words.
Packets of sense.
The uneasiness is probably the result of stagnancy. The shortcoming mainly being that I fail to understand the essence of every relationship with every individual at the moment. Sometimes I fail to see what they expect and end up behaving like a chump. Sometimes they don't do things I expect from them and that makes me angry. And trust me- I'll give anything to get rid of the air between us if it's thick enough to cut with a knife/cutlass.
I feel myself bursting at seams, this morning, when I'm supposed to leave for college in an hour. When was the last time I felt this way? 4-5 months ago for sure. This is a hopeless feeling. A desperate feeling. I want to yell out loud.. bang the table with my fists.. punch holes through the walls.. just do something to let this cramped emotions go. AArrgghhh!!
Clarity on all fronts is desirable. One of the most sensitive frontiers being the one with personal ties and fog on this land is the last thing we all want. It's the only foggy area on my map. Yet Mongols didn't ride till Persia in a day. So Time is going to take me into confidence and slip me a few secrets of the rummy times today. Cause and Effect will be clear tomorrow. However, it must not mislead me at any point of time. If it shows me Poland, I should not end up in Portugal.
I know what the parental units will say on reading this post. They will think these are the signs of depression. Ha! But they won't know it comes and goes like the morning mist.. like infatuations.. and the feeling disappears into nothing soon after. Result of the Morning Sun or Repulsion.
Greatest of the things must come to an end and the crummiest too. So I announce the lack of time and I should not endeavor to go on writing about the whirl of thoughts still going on and on. Maybe I should get back to the morning tasks. Maybe I should step out into the world. Maybe I should get back to my cuppa which I've avoided for last 48 hours. The Passing of the Mist.
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